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Wednesday, 13 July 2016

An Ode To My Lighthouse




When I closed my eyes
And tried to push her away
Far into the blackness of memory
I saw for the first time
Why her I had chosen
She was infinite
Vastness was her name
And she was all over the heavens
She twinkled bright
Against my endless void
Like a sunrise past
A deafening storm
A lighthouse to my soul adrift
A hope that kept me afloat
She made me learn
Why at all men fall in love
And why from it they never return
In sickness or health
In pleasures or in sorrow
She may not be and
The world may not know of her
But she will be my mark
Even long after I'm gone
And my memory will never exist
Without her name in it
I opened my eyes and realized
There are somethings you can't outrun
Your love and your soulmate
And your vain dreams
Are often most of them

Monday, 11 July 2016

Amaranthine





I love you when your scarlet lips pray                       
And your feather feet turn the fate of my way,
I love you when you carry the sky in your eyes
And bind the oceans in seraphic smile,
You're the moonlit verse which heavens wear
An ageless song that clouds shower.

I love you for amaranthine is your loveliness
Your arms a fragile haven for my slowing self
I love you when you kneel with kindness
And touch my barren soul's emptiness.








Friday, 8 July 2016

A Letter She Can Never Send



Dear D..,   

Whoever you are, however you are, you have become important to me and you have found a way to reach my heart and prayers. There is no social attachment that binds you and me. There is no religious or physiological bond between us as well. What I’m writing is something that would flow as a river, free from needs, wishes, desires and expectations. This is a river that is bound to connect our ends. You know why? Let me tell you.
 
You have been indeed lucky to find yourself the way to come into A's life. If his name makes you smile (as it made me while typing it) you are lucky. God has chosen you to love him, to be with him. Chances are that this letter may annoy you and you may get irritated as why I am writing to you. But when I explain the connection to you, things would perhaps be clearer. And I hope forgiveness would be unnecessary. I hope you’d see beyond the things people may have us blinded with.

To me loving A is a faith beyond the set norms of the world. In worldly eyes he and I have nothing in common, nothing at all. We are two separate individuals, but connected somehow by a powerful thread that makes me feel proud that I have been able to feel this way at all for anyone. Now, before you think anything or anything wrong at all, I want to clarify somethings. You are his life partner, his life in a way; I am his shadow that doesn't abandon him, even in darkness. I’m there naturally. And even if this shadow may appear formidable to you, as shadows are sometimes meant to, know that all shadows are harmless. They are just there because they can’t escape their source.

You on the other hand are real for him. You have the right to sit beside him, hold his hands, look into his eyes, caress his hair and love him, I lie like the cushion behind his back, soles under his feet to comfort him while he is loved by you. You make the morning tea for him, and I make sure the temperature is just right for his lips. You walk beside him, leaning on his shoulders, I run ahead of you both to remove any pebble or thorns that might stop your romantic walk together. When you make his bed for him, I would make sure he has peace in his eyes to enjoy it. I am not here to erect any walls between you and him, rather, my only wish is to see that he is happy and peaceful.

Believe me when I say that you are equally important to me as he is. We have a very delicate relation to handle because he cannot live without his love and his life; we have to make sure he has both to live normally. You are very lucky because with you he chose to share his life and happiness; on the other hand I am happy to share his pain and sorrows. Now you can also share his sorrows and pain, and it’s something a life partner does but I want you to be always cheerful and happy and smiling, so that his world is always happy and bright. I don’t think that is much to ask for when we both love and want the same thing, A's happiness. I know it’s difficult to understand. You may hate me and my bold statement that I am in your husband's life. But believe me, I am not in his life. Truth is that I lay just inside his mind as a small tiny part that makes things beautiful for him. Yes, I have an individual life as well, one that is made beautiful by his presence. I do not ask for his time, his love, his money or anything else. Just a tiny little corner in his subconscious. I would live like I do not exist for both of you; all I need is the permission to love him. Because the day I stop loving him I am certain I'd perish . I beg this of you to consider. Let me be dirt under your feet, but let me be there so that with you I touch A. As you are in his life like a support, like a backbone, I am relaxed and not much worried about how he would eat, work, write and take care of himself. Because I know you are capable in making him comfortable. He deserves to be treated with love, and believe me; he deserves so much love that only both of us can fulfill it. With all our differences and individual approaches, we make a perfect love and life for him to live. I hope you understand what my heart seeks. Maybe it’s too much to ask. Maybe it’s impossible to fulfill. But if you love him like loving is meant to be done then please allow me what I seek. Having lived with him for this long you must have felt that things are not going to be easy. But then they never are meant to be with someone like our A. He is a dreamer, he wants too many things and wants to make everyone and everything alright  and he has a heart of a child. Which is why we have a difficult task at hand. Let's make a promise to each other and live like we are not two but one person who cares deeply for the same man. A would be the happiest when we can achieve this.

I’ve seen you. And the way he describes you, I feel at peace because he has someone like you.


You won't lose anything to me, ever.

I Promise.


Wednesday, 6 July 2016

Yesterday

It is just the memory of how you were 
That I miss so much
That I'm in love with
One which you seem incapable
To ever again be
Let me hence pack the clock
And stay at where we said
'tomorrow will be better'
So that I may hold your hand again
And not face the misery of
Watching your face turn 
To things mere and small
So that I no more live
This terrible wait



Saturday, 2 July 2016

Art of Love




And she asked 'What's love?'
'What's abiding, unaltering love?'
'Have you seen it?'
The waves then went back rolling from where we stood
And when they returned I said
'This. Waves show it to us.
Fated never to hold it                                                                
They keep coming for the shore
Tirelessly, timelessly
How the most valuable art of love
These waves teach'
           

Painting An Embrace




I wish to hold you when you're anxious            
And tell you that there isn't a thing
I wouldn't do to see you smile
But you're so far away
Farther even
Than the farthest dream
 
And the faintest star on the night's starry face
I'm not made that powerful
To travel so far
But my care may
It can gently lull you
When you're sleepless
Tell me hence
When your brow sweats
And your heart sinks
It's for such moments
That I exist
 
It's to hold you when you're anxious
That I now live